The Wonderer
by Know Err
Summary: Follows immediately after 3x09. Bo gets a text from Lauren as she is taking her walk alone. "We need to talk."


A/N: Because 3.09 has ruined my week and then folks over at the Doccubus fansite offered their take and emotional support. It's given me a few ideas. A couple of authors out there have already posted their 3x09 coping fics which is awesome. Here, I humbly offer you mine.

As that Dyson, the gigantic a-hole, said, "It's not what you can prove, but what you believe."

And, I believe in Faeries. I do. I do. I do believe in Faeries.

I also believe in open, honest communication but obviously, ain't nobody got time for that.

* * *

_"And in the stony courtyard he saw his wife drawing water." __–GK Chesterton_

* * *

"_We need to talk,"_ blinked her cellphone. It was a message from Lauren.

Bo had gone out of the Dal for fresh air, thinking that the worst was over. She had passed the Dawning and gained further control of her powers. No one was going to force her into doing what she did not believe in. She was going to live the life she chose because that's just who she was.

She was already on her way back to the bar when her phone vibrated. After the crazy things she went through that day, she was so glad that the day was finally ending right.

Why, then, did Lauren's message feel like heavy lead settling at the pit of her stomach?

The succubus sighed deeply, knowing that Lauren was right. They weren't able to talk before she left for the temple and twenty-seven text messages to her girlfriend beforehand definitely meant that they had to clear the air. She was so relieved to see Lauren at the Dal before her Dawning, though. It showed that Lauren cared and loved her despite whatever the heck it was going on between them.

"Kenzi," Bo said to her young friend, still sipping her beer, "I'm gonna go see my girlfriend."

"Have fun, Bobo," Kenzi mumbled, "But you and I have to talk about that kiss after, missy." She narrowed her eyes at her chi-sucking pal.

Bo rolled her eyes and waved her off, her boots clacking on the Dal's hardwood floors as she left.

* * *

Bo found herself in the Ash's compound, sneaking in. There was really no need for the cat burglar antics because Hale was Ash but she was still a little wary of the Dark and the Light even with the temporary truce the siren had organized.

She found her girlfriend at the lab, packing up her things. She didn't announce her prescence and waited until Lauren noticed her… which the human doctor immediately did. Their eyes met and Bo had a little trouble breathing. If Bo was the Wanderer, looking and searching for her truth, Lauren was the Wonderer, thinking of all the infinite possibilities. In her eyes were infinite twinkling stars that Bo could spend forever falling into.

Except now those stars seemed dull, flickering faintly of heartache.

"Have you gone to see Dyson?" were the first words out of Lauren's mouth. Her eyes were telling Bo so much but she couldn't decipher all the messages.

Bo's brows drew together. "No," she said carefully. "How is he?"

"He's resting but you should go see him," Lauren said, side stepping Bo to reach for her stethoscope which was lying on a table. She was keeping her hands busy by arranging and re-arranging her bag. There wasn't really anything she needed to take home. Bo was done with the Dawning. The crazy tests she'd been doing for some sort of serum were no longer necessary.

"I came to see you," Bo said. "You texted me." The doctor said nothing.

Noticing Lauren's distance, Bo tried to put her hand on Lauren's arm, "Hon, are you okay?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" that half-smile, non-smile had warning bells pinging in Bo's ears as Lauren tucked her hands in her labcoat and subtly moved away from Bo's hand. The way Lauren's chin quivered was definitely getting Bo worried.

"Lauren, stop," Bo said. "What is going on?"

"Babe, it's okay," Bo said, holding the doctor's hand in both of hers. "You're trembling," she added, worrying her thumbs on Lauren's knuckles.

The doctor looked up at the ceiling, as if expecting to find answers, and tried to blink away the excess moisture from her eyes. She grit her teeth and it hurt like hell to spit the words out but was able to say what she had to. "Bo, you don't have to stay with me anymore."

"What are you saying?" Bo said, stepping away from her, looking at Lauren like she just confessed to capital murder.

"I know you, Bo. I don't want to make you choose. And, I know Dyson didn't choose to lose his love for you." Lauren sighed eyeing the closed curtain a few feet away from them, "Now that he has his love back, you don't need to stay with me anymore."

"How do you know he has his love back?"

"Bo, I'm not stupid," Lauren said quietly.

"I know," Bo said, trying to joke and lighten Lauren's melancholy, "You're super smart and sooo sexy."

"Bo, this is not the time!" Lauren said exasperatedly then she clenched her fists tightly and composed herself. She rolled her eyes at herself for her lack of self control.

Bo tried to close the gap between them. "Lauren, I chose you," Bo said. "It doesn't matter that Dyson got his love back."

The blonde shook her head and gathered her resolve, walking around to place an examination table between them. "I refuse to be second choice," Lauren said, "And, I don't want you to settle for less than you deserve."

Bo gaped at her for a few seconds. "Lauren, where is this coming from? This isn't like you," Bo said.

"Let's face it, Bo. Like you said, you deal with life and death situations and all I do is work on petri dishes," Lauren said with a discernable amount of bitterness.

"Look, I'm really sorry I missed the awards. Please, believe me. I tried so hard to get back to you in time," Bo said sincerely, "I know I'm the worst girlfriend ever and I probably don't tell you often enough but you do such amazing things. Your work is awesome."

"And what good does my work do? I couldn't even help you for your Dawning," Lauren blew out an exasperated breath. "Not even the shots to hell you with your hunger. I couldn't even help you with Kenzi. I messed up and was practically useless."

"Do you really think that's all I care about? Your science? Your usefulness?" Bo asked.

"It's all I can give you, Bo," Lauren said in a brittle voice. "You don't have to pretend that that's enough for you. Not anymore." She turned to open up patient files, her back to Bo. "I know my place now."

"I love you, Lauren Lewis. Every _subatomic_ particle of you. And, just because I haven't been proving it lately doesn't mean you shouldn't believe that." Bo said, as she stormed off to the corner where the beds where. "I'm gonna go see Dyson now!" she yelled behind her.

* * *

"Hey," Bo said, moving the privacy curtain aside. She was a little surprised to find Tamsin on a chair sitting next to Dyson's bed but figured it was her job as Dyson's partner to check on him.

"Trouble in paradise?" Tamsin asked non-chalantly.

Bo blew a breath. "Couldn't help overhear, huh?"

Tamsin shrugged and gave her a wince.

Dyson, who was lightly dozing, opened his eyes on the succubus. "Bo," he breathed.

"Dyson. Was just checking up on you," Bo said, walking up to his bed.

"I'm fine," Dyson replied, wincing a little as he sat up. "Lauren asked me to stay overnight just in case, though."

"Yeah, and I almost had to kick your stubborn ass to keep you here," Tamsin replied.

Bo shrugged, "Lauren likes to worry and be paranoid. It's how she cares."

Tamsin rolled her eyes and Dyson nodded absently. Bo bit the inside of her cheek, "I suppose she has been going a little overboard lately."

The blonde detective shrugged. Dyson looked at Bo hopefully.

"You'll fix it," Dyson offered in a quiet voice. "You and Lauren love each other. It'll work out for the best, you'll see." He smiled a gentle smile at his beloved Bo as she placed a hand on his cheek.

Tamsin rolled her eyes, _Can this ass hat get anymore duplicitious? Seriously. _But the Valkyrie bit her tongue. It wasn't her fault the succubus had trouble reading people and their intentions.

Bo looked into his eyes, "I hope so."

* * *

"And then she says she knows her place!" Bo said disgustedly as she took a direct sip from her half-empty bottle of vodka. She stood leaning on her bedside drawer. "What the hell does that even mean? It better not mean what I think it means."

Kenzi, snuggled up in her skull pajamas, looked at Bo from her bed. "You're serious, right? I mean, serious about Lauren?"

"I am," Bo sighed. "I love her."

Kenzi rolled her eyes. "Then stop it with the exchaning of spit with non-Lauren people," Kenzi said, smacking Bo on the thigh. "Doc gets that you have to feed Bo, but seriously, that thing with Tamsin didn't sound like you were sucu-sucking chi and that's totally a dick move."

"I didn't kiss Tamsin, she kissed me!" Bo protested, stomping her foot. "I don't even know what's going on half the time because of the Dawning crap. Everybody's lying about something." She shook her hands emphatically to show her exasperation.

"And Dyson getting his love back… Kenzi, why didn't you tell me you knew?" Bo asked Kenzi. "Don't lie to me, I know it had something to do with that rash you got from the Norn."

Kenzi sighed, "I knew he got his love back, Bo. I was the one who helped him get it back from the Norn."

"You what!? Kenzi, she could have killed you!" Bo exclaimed. "And you didn't tell care to me all this because…?"

"How the hell was I suppose to know you were gonna go pick Dr. Hotpants before he told you?" Kenzi vented, smacking a pillow and then leaned over to muffle her scream on it. "I told him to hurry the hell up but then you were already macking on the doctor by the time we got there."

"This is such a mess," Bo sighed, collapsing on the bed next to Kenzi.

"Maybe now you can decide what you really want," Kenzi mumbled, picking up the pillow she smacked and hugging it. There was only so much drama a traumatized girl could take.

"Not 'what,' Kenz. 'Who' I really want," Bo said with conviction, getting up to walk down the stairs.

She turned around just as she reached her door, "What about you, Kenzi? Are you okay?"

"I will be, Bo," Kenzi said. Bo walked back to her bed and held Kenzi tightly.

"I love you, Kenzi," Bo said, kissing the girl on the forehead, "We will have a lot of BFF bonding time as soon as I sort this mess out. I know I've been neglecting you lately." Kenzi squeezed back, nodding against Bo's shoulder.

"Can we go shoe shopping?" Kenzi peeked up hopefully through her bangs.

"Anything you want, Kenz."

* * *

Bo marched through Lauren's open front door but stopped when she saw Lauren passed out on the couch with piles and piles of papers around her coffee table. There were still tracks of tears on her face.

Bo shoved everything on the coffee table to one side and placed her numerous packages on the freed space. The plastic's crinkling noises and rustling paperwoke the doctor.

"Bo?" Lauren blinked blearily, not quite believing the face she was seeing.

"Shh," Bo said, wiping Lauren's mostly-dried tears away with the pad of her thumbs and helped her sit up on the couch. "Hey," she gave Lauren a peck on the lips before the doctor had the chance to react.

"What's all this?" Lauren asked, moving away from Bo.

Bo had a boquet of flowers that looked like Spring threw up on some alien planet: stargazer lilies, baby's breath, ivy, and primroses. The crazy lady at the flower shop had convinced Bo that these flowers somehow expressed how shitty she felt. Although, Bo was half convinced that she was conned. Shrewed business folk knew how irrational people could be when they're desperate.

The succubus had also brought loads of Thai take-out, a box of expensive chocolate, even more expensive champagne, and DVDs of the cheesiest chickflicks she could find.

Kenzi did advice that she pull out the big guns.

"It's for you," Bo said shyly, offering Lauren the huge bundle of flowers. She'd never given anyone flowers before. But Lauren looked at her like she grew two heads so she gingerly placed the flowers back on the table and turned to fully face her doctor.

"Have you eaten?" Bo asked, stroking Lauren's hair. Lauren shook her head 'no.'

"You are due for some serious spoiling," Bo said with a smile, biting her lip. "Stay put."

Lauren had a puzzled look on her face but did not protest when Bo fed her bites of fried noodles. The brunette even went as far as occasionally wiping Lauren's lips with a napkin. Lauren chewed quietly as Bo alternated feeding herself and the doctor. They stared into each other's faces, trying to read the other's expression.

Before they realized it, they finished all the food Bo brought with her. "Guess we were hungrier than we thought," Bo commented idly.

"Bo, what are you doing here?" Lauren asked.

"You said we needed to talk. We did but I don't think you were listening to me," Bo replied, her sculpted brow quirked in challenge. She threw an arm over the back of the couch, trying not to pull Lauren closer to her.

"Bo, I already told you that you don't have to choose anymore. You don't have to settle," Lauren said. "Since you can't decide between Dyson and I, I simply removed myself from the equation to make the decision easier for you."

"No, you are not allowed to make choices for me," Bo said firmly. She grabbed Lauren's arms and gave them a firm affectionate squeeze, "But you are supposed to make choices _with_ me."

Lauren blinked.

"I love Dyson," Bo said. She didn't like the look of defeat on Lauren's face but trudged on. "And… I might even like Tamsin," She confessed. "I think." She gave Lauren an apologetic shrug but Lauren just nodded, betraying no emotion.

She continued, "I love Trick. I love Kenzi. Heck, I love Hale. Lauren, I love you _all_. So _much_."

Still, Lauren said nothing and closed her eyes.

"But Lauren, I _love_ you." Bo breathed in deeply. "So, please, give this a chance. Give _us _a chance. Or a second chance. Hell, as many chances we need… Because I just want to be with you. I know you deserve more but I will try my hardest to make you happy with me."

The doctor looked at her with such conflict and devastation.

"No, Bo," Lauren said, in her stubborn but softly spoken way, clutching Bo's hand. "I'm in the way. I get it now. I'll never be enough for you and I'm just holding you back. I accepted that this was probably you getting over Dyson and I just forced you into this relationship-"

"No, Lauren, this is about _us_." Bo stressed, "About us." She craddled Lauren's face in her hands. "No one but us will decide if we belong together or not."

"And I want to be with you," Bo continued, "No one has ever, _ever_ loved me like you do." She couldn't understand why Lauren was so ready to give up, she was always so strong, so brave.

"Why didn't you talk to me about all this?" Bo said tearfully. "Why didn't you tell me you felt this way?"

"I didn't want to add to your aggitation just before your Dawning," Lauren said. "I knew you needed all the support that you could get and I knew, I knew I was too angry and upset to give that to you. I thought I could help you with some sort of medication but even that didn't work."

"Hon, it's okay to be angry at me. But, please, please… Don't ignore me like that," Bo begged. "I _needed _you. More than your science, more than the shots you can give me; I needed my girlfriend."

"I needed you, too, Bo," Lauren said, looking away. She swallowed down the emotion that threatened to rise up the surface. Lauren knew she would drown if she didn't try to control it. But Bo would have none of that.

"Then let me take care of you now," Bo said to her gently. "I love you, Lauren. Always."

Lauren shook her head, hesistant to believe. Fearing that Bo's words might not be true. Her gut was telling her to trust. Her heart was telling her to have faith. Her head was screaming out in caution and panic and confusion. She was so overwhelmed by all the voices pulling her in so many directions.

But Bo was whispering the truth.

"You don't have to be afraid, not anymore," the warrior told her healer. "I'll protect you."

She looked straight into those eyes, speckled with stars. She needed Lauren to believe her and she tried to convey all her love and sincerity to those sad, lonely nebulas hoping that they would reach Lauren's soul.

So that Lauren would know that she wasn't alone. Not anymore.

* * *

Something changed in the way Lauren was looking at Bo and it all just clicked. She gave in to Bo's demand for surrender and took that leap, jumping across the chasm between them. And finally, _finally_ Lauren's heart started to listen. It ignored the niggling rationality of her brain and listened to Bo's words, to Bo's heart. Lauren's tears began to flow uncontrollably and she choked on a sob but she tried not to compose herself, trusting in Bo's words ___–_finally believing them and believing_ in _them.

Bo gathered the doctor up in her arms, tucking Lauren's face against her neck and kissing her girlfriend's soft hair. She cooed sweet nothings in Lauren's ear as they rocked on the couch, Lauren's sobs echoing through the walls. For the first time in nearly a decade, Lauren fell apart… and Bo was there to hold her.

Together.

Lauren looked up at Bo, her lashes wet with tears, and the Wanderer, after having traveled through infinite wonders, could see nothing but home: a home to rest her tired heart.

And Lauren, the Wonderer, ceased to wonder and ceased to doubt because she was held secure in Bo's arms and in Bo's heart.

* * *

___"The shortest journey from one place to the same place is around the world." –GK Chesterton_

* * *

A/N: I've always admired Lauren's inner strength, but dammit, somebody should hug her when she's sad. She always looks like she needs a good cry and people either lock her up in dungeons or leave her in exchange for megalomaniac wolf guys.


End file.
